Hell's Rebels

Temple hill slasher

we stuck a rapier in his butt

Okay, so we found out that the serial killer lived in a boarding house or something. I missed the session where we learned that.

When we got to the place there was some mean old lady outside being all rude and shit, but Dana was like “yo, calm your tits”, except he didn’t actually say it so rudely, and she was just so hyped that young people weren’t acting like shit birds that she let us know that the alleged serial killer dude was off working in his slurk grease factory or whatever and wasn’t actually there. Falcor was all like “oh hey, we are actually friends of the dude that you don’t realize is a murderer, and we wanted to clean his place up as a surprise. Could you show us where it is?” She wasn’t going to let us in, but she did tell us where the fucker lived so we went on up.

The door was locked AF, and falcor couldn’t open it, so Chef Torte used a potion of invisibility and a potion of spider climb to climb up the back and get inside. The dude left the window open. Why? because slurk grease smells hella fucking bad. duh.

Chef let us in, and we noticed the dude had left a small piece of thread on the door as like a “did some peeps come in my den of slurk grease” counter measure but we replaced it. Loser.

We poked around a bit. I cast detect evil and noticed some evil shit behind a wall. We investigated it, and it turned out that there was an evil kukri back there. A kukri is just a fancy asian machete. This one was double fancy because it was evil and intelligent.

Chef heard the serial killer dude come in. Oh no, home early! We set up a little ambush for him. I stabbed him a few times, Dana whipped him with spiders and exploded fireworks on him. Without his evil kukri he was kind of a little bitch. He provoked mad AOOs. He tried to grab his kukri but Dana cast the door shutting spell so he had to open the door to grab his kukri, and while he was doing that i rammed my rapier up his booty. He ded.

That tien investigator broad was hanging around outside like she do, and we were like yo beotch, come up we got a hot tip for you, and it ain’t Dana’s dingus neither. She was super hyped about the killer guy being dead and gave us some money which was pretty tight. She also copped to investigating us, but she said she “served the people first” or some vague shit that basically boiled down to “i’m lawful but I’m not awful so I won’t rat on you guys because I know that you are legit”. We allowed Dana to take full credit for capturing the killer because he is a maniac. Now Thrune will have to shake his hand and kiss him on the cheek because those are the laws in kintargo regarding capturing public menaces.

We also got the following loot:

2x shield of faith potion (i took 1, one is up for grabs)
shadow studded armor (falcor took this)
+1 buckler (i took this)
slipper of spider climb (i took this shit too, it’s gonna be so rad)
MW thieves tools (Falcor)
a regular ass dagger
a sexual carpet

overall, including the sexual-ass carpet, we got 6466 GP.

We walked around a bit and some fucking fake sailor shit head attacked us. Hewas like a vagina covered aberration dressed up like a sailor? the fuck…. He bit Dana a few times. No biggy, Dana gets bit by vagina creatures fairly often. I killed it by melting its hand off with burning disarm. It was pretty neat.

It had some weird unholy symbol in a key. The unholy symbol was a skeletal hand with gems and shit on it. Surprisingly, it wasn’t worth much. We couldn’t identify it so we had to go to the only non-evil temple in kintargo to get help. Apparently it belongs to a royal whore in hell. It may or may not be a sex toy. Not sure why this fiendish slut is trying to kill us but I guess that is just what happens when you’re a silver raven.

Anyway I think that is it.

Alana Andry: out.


the key was separate from the unholy symbol

Temple hill slasher
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